I blog to get my story out. I enjoy writing. It allows me to express myself in a way that words typically fail me. I have more time to develop my thoughts to express what I want to say.
The reasons I blog.
I’ve been dealing with a foot injury. When the doctor comes into the room, I forget everything I wanted to say. Writing things down beforehand is helpful for me because it allows me to organize my thoughts and feelings in a time where words sometimes fail me, like in the case of going to see my doctor.
Another reason I blog is because I enjoy putting my story combined with life lessons out into the world and hoping that someone can find comfort or learn a lesson from the lessons I’ve learned.
I also enjoy blogging because it leaves behind a memory of my story for me. In a way it’s like having a journal. Sure, maybe I don’t share everything online that I would share in my journal, but it’s like having a record of something I wrote down. It’s something I can look back on and remember, “Hey…I wrote that!”
Blogging keeps me accountable. I’ve found that if I put something I am actively doing or pursuing on my blog and am reporting about it, I find that it helps to keep me accountable to doing said thing I am reporting on. Not always but mostly.
Blogging is a fun way to be creative with words and thoughts as well. I love being creative. Creativity is one of my core tenets that I thrive on in my life.
I’d say that the most valuable things I own are practical things that I use every day, and they are all kept in my car or on me at all times.
Here’s the list:
6 pairs of dance shoes (tap shoes, dance sneakers with suede bottoms from Supadance, dance sneakers from Fuego that I can wear to dance on other surfaces, 2 pairs of International Dance practice shoes – one leather and one mesh pair, ballet slippers)
Nikon D7200 (DSLR) with 2 lenses for photography, one for unclose and one telephoto lens
Hiking boots with wool socks
My car (2012 Prius C)
MacBook Pro
Plant collection for The Rare Plant Haus and my personal collection of Orchids and Aroids
Art collection that decorates my house of art that I’ve done over the years
3 ballgowns that I cannot seem to bring myself to let go of because they are works of art.
My hybrid bike (Cannondale) and my road bike (Trek Lexa SC)
3 pairs of NoBull sneakers (they are like works of art and are my favorite sneakers)
YouTube subscription
Apple One subscription
That’s it. Those are the possessions or things I have in my life that I hold dear to me. If there was ever a fire, these are the things I would save or try to hold onto. It’s not that much stuff at all. Pretty compact and minimal and all keys to things I enjoy doing.
Minessententionalism isn’t about owning nothing. It’s about owning what you need (essential) with great intent in what you do own (intentionalism) without owning a ton of stuff (Minimalism). It’s where the three ideas of Essentialism, Intentionalism and Minimalism cross.
Reviewing the list, you will notice the activities that I enjoy go into the businesses that I run and they all kind of feed one another. If I was reviewing the list, and made an assessment about myself, I’d say I’m a person who is into photography, shooting photos and video for social media and personal projects, who loves the outdoors, loves dance and loves to listen to music and nerd out on tech, and is very likely some kind of endurance athlete. I’d say I’m a person who loves to be in nature and likes to travel around town but also loves to walk around. I’d say I love plants and art.
Yes, I do own other items, but these are the items that are most dear to me at this time. This list is in constant flux as well. The meaning of the items I chose today has a lot to do with what is going on in my life at the moment. If I’d made this list 3 months ago, I wouldn’t have had the dance shoes to put on this list, and I would’ve forgotten about the ballgowns because they are in the back of my closet and I haven’t thought about them in years. I’ve recently gotten back into dancing and coaching dancing again, so the dance shoes are very recent additions to the list.
I’ve intertwined my loves and passions, the stuff I do care for and my life and businesses. They all go together. They all define me. I believe in doing whatever it is you’re passionate about so you never have to feel like you’re working a day in your life. Monetize your life if you can. There’s truth in phrase “do what you love” because why not if you are fortunate enough to do it? It takes time to build up to doing what you love as a full-time gig. Trust me, it’s taken me 20 years to get to the point I’m at in my life where I can just do what I love. That’s not something I take for granted. I remember the years I worked in corporate and taught dance as a side gig just so I could keep doing what I loved to do. I remember the day I left corporate on August 17, 2021 and the only thing I knew to be true was that I’d NEVER go back to corporate America because I couldn’t stand it anymore.
Live a life you’re passionate about, and the personal items you have will reflect the passions in our life. What items do you have in your life that mean the world to you? Do personal items and business items overlap for you like they do for me? Email me at sarathlete@hotmail.com and let me know. I’d love to hear your story!
This is a tough question for Minimalist me to answer. I don’t believe in collecting stuff. That’s how I define collecting is stuff. I am not a sentimentalist for the most part. That being said, what I do personally own means the world to me.
The first collection I want to talk about is my plant collection, which is also one of my businesses. http://www.therareplanthaus.com I stated collecting plants during the 2019 COVID 19 pandemic. Plants helped me rebuild my life. They still do to this day. Sometimes I get frustrated with this business because of some negative memories I have that are associated with starting the business and building it entirely on my own from scratch with no help. Talk about feeling like I was walking in the dark. Plants and my love for them got me through. Specifically, I’d have to say it’s my love for orchids. My personal collection to this day contains mostly orchids. There are a few other Aroids in my collection, but orchids are one of my passions. They are notoriously hard to grow with a bad reputation of being difficult to care for, and nothing could be further from the truth. They grow slowly and take time and patience. With the right care, they will flourish given time.
The other collection I have is my own art collection. When I say my own art, I mean art I’ve produced and hung on my walls in my house. I have decorated my own house with my own art collection. Is every piece brilliant? Nope. But I love having pieces hanging pieces and visual memories of my life hanging on my walls from so many different moments in time.
The two collections I do have mean so much to me because they represent vision and growth in my life. They also represent decoration. In some moments the two intertwine. A lot of my art has plants in it, many of which are inspired from plants and orchid flowers that I grow. What an amazing opportunity to view such beauty every day!
What do you collect, and more importantly what does it mean to you? What is your WHY behind what you collect? Tell me the story behind it. Email me at sarathlete@hotmail.com and share your story with me. I’d love to hear from you!
I saw a new, ground-breaking hip hop opera in February 2023 put on by Lyric Opera at the Harris Theater in Chicago called The Factotum. This opera is a modern remaking of Rossini’s The Barber of Seville. (Honestly, I’m very grateful I saw this modern version because it saved me from having to sit through The Barber of Seville.)
Here is a synopsis of The Factotum, and a discussion of the basis of the remainder of my blog post. Watch this before reading on. The discussion of the idea of legacy is covered in this video. Also, there is some amazing singing and collaborating that goes on in this clip.
What’s the legacy I want to leave behind? I know for sure, as always, what my legacy will not be, and that is children. I’ve always known this deep down at my core. I do not want children. Children are probably the most popular way to leave a legacy to anyone.
My legacy will live on as as a leader/coach/mentor-inspiration/teacher to others. I am all of these things. This feels like such an egotistical thing to say. I’ve had to come to accept this about myself recently: that I am an inspiration to others.
The legacy I will leave behind is the knowledge and wisdom I impart on other people. People follow me. I lead them. On the dance floor and in life. It’s annoying. Yet, it’s true. Denying this fact about myself denies who I am as a person. On the road to self-acceptance and self-actualization you have to know who you are and what you stand for. I’m here at this point my journey in life.
The legacy I want to leave behind is one of a tire leader who always eats last because I care. I care about people. I will go to the mat for them if I believe in them enough. This is the person I am. I also have vision and can recognize promise and talent in people that they may not be able to see in themselves at the time or in the moment. I can recognize both the good guys/girls and the bad ones.
I want to leave a legacy of fellow leaders behind who can take what they learned from me and pass down the knowledge they learned from me and other people who inspire them as they move forward in their lives whether they are on their fluid intelligence curve or crystallized intelligence curve (Dr. Arthur Brooks, From Strength to Strength).
I get sick of being cold all of the time when it’s cold outside.
I love snow, as long as I’m not driving in it!
I love the coziness that cold weather brings.
I hate when it’s supposed to be warm out, and it’s still cold out!
I live near Chicago, so maybe I should define what cold weather means to me. Everyone is different based on where they live. To me, “cold weather” is anything 40 degrees and below.
As my body changes composition changes and I get leaner and meaner, I do find that I’m colder more often than ever before. I always carry a sweatshirt with me in case I get cold indoors!
Bottom line, I don’t like to be cold, but I don’t like to be too warm either. I just like it how I like it! I’m the bear the likes it just right!
Cold weather and being cold are the same thing even they may not be related at all!
It’s almost summer, and I’m grateful the cold weather is leaving us. We still get cold days, and that frustrates me. I love being outdoors and there is something about being inside that is depressing to me and it affects my mood. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way.
Cold weather brings with it a time for reflection and a chance to go inside or indoors and reflect. We also lose time as well in my area with Daylight Savings Time, so that affects the amount of light we get along with being inside, so it’s a double-edged sword. Every winter I get through going inside, and it makes me that much more grateful when Spring and Summer are here.
Rather than dwelling on what we cannot control, focus on being grateful for what you have in the moment. At this moment in my area, we are heading into Summer! Summer endurance sports! Ice cream! Dancing outside in the park! Going to the beach! Fresh air and sunshine! Free outdoor concerts and theatre experiences. Yes, girl! Love it!
I love where I live and truly enjoy all 4 seasons!
My sanity. This was a forced sacrifice because it stared when I was a child. It continued into my 19 year marriage. When parents or a spouse force themselves on you, physically or emotionally, it’s called abuse, assault, rape, etc. It’s called taking away your rights and freedom, and this ultimately takes away your sanity.
With my parents, I had no choice as a child. I had zero say in the choices they made. If I dared to ever challenge my parents, I would’ve paid the price, so I stayed silent. Living in silence and living for other people sucks.
In college, I had 4 years of freedom. I was able to get away from my parents and live 4 years of happiness where I had agency and autonomy over my own life.
Then I moved back home because I was still, emotionally, a child, and I had no plan and no job lined up. Life felt like a punishment moving back in with my parents at 21 years old. I started teaching dance full time and working a corporate job full time, and that’s where I met my current husband. We dated for three months and then, out of necessity, moved in together to stay together. I’ve been married to this man since 2004. My parents gave me an ultimatum of either date him and get out of their house or leave him and stay with them. Facing homelessness when you’re 22, the age I was when Pete and I were dating, is scary. I wasn’t a fully formed adult. I was trying to figure out my life. I knew I couldn’t stand living with my parents anymore, so I chose Pete.
Everyone said the relationship would fail. Turns out they were right. We did make it 19 years, but it did end. It’s over. All that is left is two friends.
Pete physically and emotionally assaulted and abused me just as my parents did. I did make the decision to stay with Pete over staying with my parents. This was a decision made by a child.
I finally grew up, and figured out that the relationship I had with my parents and with my husband, Pete, were toxic as hell. I finally figured this out at age 40. It took me going into 12 Step (ACA) and landing myself in a local recovery center to really realize just how messed up my life was and that I could keep living the way I was: in a life of constant abuse.
I realized how much my sanity was sacrificed and abused by other people. Here’s the thing about emotional abuse: no one can see it. People would question and challenge my sanity by telling me that I was crazy for thinking I’d been abused because there often weren’t physical scars on my body.
Oftentimes, if there are no physical scars, then we challenge if something really happened. You can’t see emotional abuse or passive aggressive abuse or manipulation on a physical level. Like they say in one of The Santa Clause movies, “Seeing is believing and believing is seeing.”
What happens if you can’t see something? Usually it means it doesn’t exist.
It took me finally being able to see that I’d been severely abused to realize what was going on, how unhappy I was and that I had the power to fix it.
I remedied my own situation and fixed and recovered my own life. I’m a grown up now making my own choices and living for me. I no longer question my own choices or sanity because I sacrificed it for so long without my own knowledge or will.
When people take your choices away, they rape you, assault you and manipulate you. They control you. It’s the absolute worst. It’ll make you feel crazy mentally and physically. The mind and body are connected.
I had a back injury that I couldn’t explain until now. I had a deep bruise in my heart and it finally showed up in my body in February 2021 which I was my physical and emotional breaking point.
Now, I’m not broken anymore. I was able to recover my life fairly quickly. Now, I’m out living in the world for the first time, and I’m happy again. My marriage is over and it’s the best feeling knowing that this toxic situation will finally end. We still get along and are still close and good friends. I’ve had to accept that my parents are who they are, forgive them for the pain they inflicted on me because ultimately they did the best with what they had. They didn’t set out to abuse their child on purpose. I’m grateful to my parents for the opportunities they gave me in life. Being angry at them serves no purpose. I don’t want to live my life blaming other people for the past. All I can do is acknowledge what happened, the good and bad, and move on from the past. Reflection on what happened with both my family of origin and my marriage is healthy to glean lessons so I don’t repeat history, but dwelling is not a good idea because a person can get stuck dwelling.
My sanity was sacrificed without my knowledge. That’s not cool. now I have the opportunity to live my life on my terms and make my own choices. I have agency and autonomy over my life one more time, but this time I’m an adult making my own choices and not a child having my decisions made for me. No one can or ever will take my sanity or mental freedom from me again, physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually.
I won’t allow it or stand for it. I live for me now and no one else.
The expression on my face: the focused dancer face. The look that says, “Don’t mess with me or get in my way because I’m doing what I love, and you will not get in the way.
This is a face of great intensity. I’ve even been told that many times, “Wow, you are intense.” I used to take this as an insult in that I thought it described me as being off-putting somehow. It can be off-putting. Sometimes I become the expression on my face: a bit too intense.
The way I do one thing is the way I do everything. Intense is how I function in the world. Like it or not, it’s part of who I am. Deny it or not, it’s me. Intense focus is how I get so much shit done in my life. Sometimes this can be my greatest asset, and other times it can be my biggest detriment.
Being high level and intensely focused can come at a great cost. It can cost you people in your life. It can make it really hard to understand other people who aren’t quite so high functioning as myself.
This intensely focused person is someone who I’ve had to accept over the years and come to terms with as the truth about who I am. I don’t love this about myself, but I’m learning to love this aspect of my personality. I’m on a journey of learning to love who I am.
Truth be told, I don’t love myself all of the time. Oftentimes, compliments feel like lies. Surely, the person giving the compliment is telling me a lie, right? Dance and life has taught me that there is always a way to improve and always a way to get better. In my view, that has always been the case. There must always be a way to get better, right?
Yes, there is always room for improvement. However, I have to watch it. Strivers go straight for perfectionism.
I spent the summer of 2022 in recovery. I was recovering from my 41 years of nearly non-stop trauma. I had four years of happiness in college from 1999 – 2003 at IU Bloomington where I can honestly say I loved my life and I was truly happy. Otherwise, my life has been a shit show, and I haven’t been happy. Not truly happy like I was in college when I had agency and independence over my own life. Just now, I’m finding that happiness again.
Life is post-recovery now, and I’m learning to live without the recovery center. I’m also learning to live without antidepressants. That’s a scary way to learn to navigate the world.
Life is changing rapidly for me. I’ve been struggling with no stability in my life right now. I can handle change, and all of the stress I’ve dealt with in my life has caused me to be able to better handle the traumatic changes I’ve experienced of late, but that doesn’t mean I want quite the level of change in my life that has been the past several months.
I understand that my life looked one way. I went through recovery and now it looks completely different. I’ve been doing things lately that I said I’d never ever do: dance again, teach again, let friends into my life, trust people, feel sexy, build new relationships and friendships with people, be around people.
Yet, at the same time, I feel amazing. I’m doing things I thought I’d sworn off because I thought I’d failed or that I didn’t need people in my life. COVID-19 showed me how alone and isolated I was and had become in my life. Now, I’m rebuilding my life one stone at a time. I wasn’t sure what my life would look like as I rebuilt it.
One thing I’ve been doing is trying not to control it. This is hard for an intensely focused person to do. Strivers love to be in control. I love to be in control. I can’t control my destiny though. I can’t control the future, or who will and won’t hurt me. I wish I could. Part of living beyond ACA and recovery is trying my best to not revert to old me: the control freak; the all-or-nothing thinker, the perfectionist and the people pleaser. Wow, am I the definition and living embodiment of all of those things.
So, the intensely focused expression on my face is what I’m wearing today because I have a lot of work I need to get done right now. I need to be on my A game. No one is better than being on their A game and focusing when she needs to be quite like me.
I was born this way. I picked up my Striver tendencies from my parents. I am a reflection of my parents. But that doesn’t mean I have to be completely like my parents. My parents can be real jerks. They still are to this day in the way they treat their only daughter. So, I went through ACA and did the work to change. I could see what my parents did to me, and how much they abused me. Yet, I still honor my parents for giving me life. I’m grateful for the opportunities they gave me over the years. I hate how they treat me to this day. I still love them. Biological love.
I can change my ways. I’m working on it every day. I don’t want to become my parents. I have a choice. I may still revert to my old ways: the Stiver with the intensely focused expression on my face. Now I know how to handle it better.
How do I put a smile on my face, something new for me, when I’m living in a time of intense work and focus?
I go to a dance party and hang around people who aren’t as good as me at my craft. I’m doing a lot with dance right now. I’m rebuilding a college dance team that I’d layed the groundwork for and walked away from in 2011 when my time was done coaching because I couldn’t take working in corporate at Fidelity as a title examiner and coaching dance and competing and performing all at the same time. I destroyed myself, and made the choice to take a break and do something else jn 2011. COVID-19 destroyed the VU ballroom dance club and competition team I’d originally built.
I feel like history is repeating itself sometimes and it scares me. I never thought I’d be back at VU re-building what I’d already built.
History has repeated itself within the last week in many many scary ways. Scary ways that show me a reflection of the past. I can’t explain why history is repeating itself. Even though the end result is different, I keep having to tell myself that it will be ok because I am different now. I have changed, and that is the determining factor in my success as a person and in my career.
I have people in my life who love and care about me now. I have community in my life now and people who want to please me. As a people pleaser, I know damn well not to take these people for granted because so many people in my life have taken me for granted. My parents. My husband. My in-laws. I’ve discussed in many of my old posts on this blog those old stories. My life was on the fritz. There was a time, many times, where I didn’t want to continue living. The reason being I didn’t have community in my life.
I have community and people who I love and trust, and who love and trust me. I can move forward with intense focus knowing that these people care about me and love me, and that I am learning to love myself.
Being a striver isn’t a bad thing if I can keep it in check and balance. I believe I can do that now with the support group of friends and family I have in my life now. If I’m being a striver, or as I say about myself, “Oh, I’m being an asshole”, then I’m better able to recognize it or I give you permission to call me on it because it’ll help me out greatly! I need to know so I can correct the behavior. I need to know when I’m striving too much so that I remember I need to come down, rest and have fun and just go to a dance party with people who don’t understand dance quite on the level I do. I just need to have fun with my profession because that’s where the joy lies: having fun!
I’ve got my intensely focused game face on right now to get through the work. It’s an expression of seriousness to be sure. I’m also going to be wearing something new to me tonight: a smile.
Fight or flight is the striver. Rest and digest is the joker. I need to have both to have balance in my life!
In yesterday’s post, I reflected on what happened in November 2022 and lessons I learned. I also shared the status of the goals I’d set.
Keeping in mind the holiday, I’m not looking to focus on breadth. I’m going for depth instead. So, goals look light, but one of the goals, the YearCompass is where I will be putting most of my energy and where I’ll be going deep.
Work on the YearCompass so it’s completed before New Year’s Eve.
Film, edit and post one YouTube video this month.
Enjoy the holiday and make it as close to family-drama-free (i.e. in-laws and family of origin) as I possibly can.
Purchase a keyboard and keep on learning piano – a new side interest.
Thoughts and Hopes for December 2022 Goals:
Last month was very overloaded and had things on the list that I was trying to force myself to do that I didn’t really want to do but felt like I had to do. And, of course, I didn’t do what I didn’t want to do.
Minimalist, Essential and Intentional=Minessententional:
Fewer and more focused goals that go deep on the things that are essential and intentional to me.
Focused the things that are most important to me right now which are also the essential things.
Moving the dial on fitness and my business/brand with 1 YouTube video,
Going deep on the YearCompass for next year’s goals to say goodbye and reflect on 2022 and plan for what I’d like to accomplish in 2023.
Adding in practice and a way to practice for a new side interest that I’m working on (piano).
Need trail shoes for the trail race I’m running in January and beyond.
Being active and fit during the holiday and beyond.
Maintaining my mental health so that I stay as close to a drama-free Christmas and New Years as I possibly can. For me, that means staying away from triggering family members like in-laws and family of origin.
+++++++
Need help with planning and goal setting for December 2022 or for 2023? Email me at sarathlete@hotmail.com and let’s have a conversation about goal setting and planning. I’d love to hear from you and help you out in any way I can.
Here are my November goals and the status of them is bolded in parentheses:
Find a trail 5k locally to run and sign up for the race. (Achieved)
Buy trail running shoes. (Need to do. I’ve been running mostly indoors. Decided to buy Vivobarefoots. Need to place the order.)
Find a free trail running plan for a 5k trail race. (Achieved)
Integrate the goal race and training plan into my current weight training plan so I can do both at once. (Completed and still tweaking my schedule)
Clean out my closet in my room. (In process and mostly complete)
Have a truly happy Thanksgiving and figure out what that really means to me. (Achieved)
Art journal everyday with watercolor journal or a digital art app like Procreate. Post the art online somewhere, like Facebook, blog, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, anywhere and be consistent with posting everyday. (Incomplete, went back to drawing Zentangle-like drawing instead).
Write a blog post 4 times a week. (Achieved and went beyond my expectations)
Meditate for one minute or do a meditate activity where I breathe deeply for one minute the first day and add a minute to each day so I meditate for thirty minutes at the end of the month. Compounding breaths should equal a calmer me by December 1st! (Didn’t complete. Only meditated once.)
Practice Italian every day on DuoLingo. (Never tried on DuoLingo)
Monetize my life and see how it goes. (In process and working on it daily.)
Film and post 4 YouTube videos. (I filmed one video, but I never edited or posted it).
Do the Authority Accelerator course and finish the first step of the course: Hero’s Journey and the Niche Down to Blow Up spreadsheet. Speak to 20 ideal clients to see what they have to say, OR jump into building the course since I am around my ideal client and I already am my ideal client and see how it goes. (Never touched this)
Purchase Apple Watch Ultra and live only on the Apple Watch for 30 days. (Complete)
Set goals with real numbers for The Rare Plant Haus. (Never touched this)
Bake and sell baked goods on Facebook in the Chesterton Happenings Facebook page. (I baked for my husband and for my enjoyment, but I didn’t sell anything. With dogs, I feel that selling food online isn’t the greatest decision…dog hair and food don’t mix well).
Sell stuff on Facebook Marketplace: plants, old stuff I want to get rid of as I declutter and try to make money out of my old junk I no longer want and money out of plants I can’t sell in my store because they are too big to ship or I just don’t want to carry that plant in my future lineups anymore. (There is resistance here, and I didn’t do it. I want to, but the thought of posting on social media and having to talk to people stands in my way every time).
Get rid of the stuff that is hard to get rid of by playing the Minimalism game. (Didn’t do the Minimalism game, but I have been decluttering bit by bit every week).
Clean out all of the hiding places stuff builds up in the house like in the closets, pantry, basement, drawers and dressers and do it daily, i.e. a little every day. (Working on it weekly, not daily).
Simplify the plant room and what I sell and pitch or sell off the rest on Facebook marketplace or somewhere, doesn’t matter where. (LOL I avoided the plant room because I have so much stock that it’s overwhelming and I didn’t want to deal with it).
Eliminate personal plant collection and sell those plants off that I no longer want to keep in my personal plant collection. Sell it off as part of the store and keep only the plants that hold meaning to me. (Need to do. I barely touched my plants this month)
Buy LECA for the plant shop to propagate with going forwards. (Need to do. Didn’t feel like dealing with the plant business this month).
Figure out how to fertilize with roots growing in LECA. (Need to do. Didn’t feel like dealing with the plant business this month).
Sell five plants on www.therareplanthaus.com and get off of Etsy and slowly transition back to my Shopify store that is currently on pause. Stop giving money to Etsy and put it back in my plant shop’s pockets. (Didn’t do this at all).
Align multiple businesses under one large brand with one greater message. (In process. Working on this as I go).
Do one cleaning activity every day so I don’t have to do big pushes anymore in the house. Clean as I go so the house is always clean. (I worked on this, but I haven’t been able to achieve doing cleaning daily. I still did my big pushes).
Read a few pages of a book every day or a chapter of a book once a day so that I get into the habit of reading. (I read a few pages one day, and never read again).
Be outside everyday somehow, even if it’s just opening the window. (I was outside more often hiking, but I didn’t make it out every day.)
Leave the house everyday. (I did this most days, but I know I didn’t do achieve this every day.)
Go the library and sit and read the newspaper and magazines at least once this month. This will help me with getting out of the house everyday. (Achieved)
Go on some artists dates, once a week, to start building new interests and hobbies that I can start to nurture over the next decade. (Never did this once.)
No mindless Facebook scrolling. If I find myself scrolling, then stop scrolling and switch to something else. (Still mindlessly scrolling every day. Didn’t achieve this one).
Check emails, orders and messages only once a day. (I checked emails more than this. I want to work on this one.)
Live life on my watch as much as possible and stop carrying my phone around unless absolutely necessary. (Didn’t do this one very often.)
Wear my contacts 15 days out of 30 days this month. Wear glasses less often. (I wore my contacts twice this month.)
Shower less often to help build up body microbiome. (This didn’t even come close to happening.)
Stop online scrolling mindlessly on costco.com(I check less often, but I still enjoy scrolling mindlessly on Costco.com to see what’s new in their site. Guilty pleasure, I guess.)
Only go to recovery center activities that I want to attend, and stop shaming myself and feeling guilty for not wanting to attend all of the activities they offer. (Achieved!)
Do one cycling workout a week, indoors or outdoors, to keep my butt in shape so I don’t lose the progress I’ve made. Keep my butt used to the saddle so I’m ready for spring riding in 2023! (Want to do, but didn’t achieve this month).
Thoughts on November goals:
I had a pretty ambitious month planned for November. Perhaps a little too ambitious.
What I found was that I did the things I really wanted to do: finding a trail race and signing up for it, getting Apple Watch Ultra, experimenting with a new journaling style, figuring out how to fit in the walk/run schedule with my weight lifting schedule, working on aligning my businesses.
I also found that things I didn’t touch were things I said/thought I wanted to do because I feel like I should want to or feel like I have to but they didn’t happen because I’ve been experience resistance with them for a while now. I feel like I should want to deal with the plants I have and the stock that’s hanging over my head, but I really have no desire to do it because I don’t want to do it anymore. I have a LOT of stock that I want to sell off and get rid of. I don’t want to sell plants anymore. I still enjoy plants, but I don’t really enjoy selling them and running a business around them, but I feel like I should enjoy it because I’ve invested money into this business that no longer serves me. Those were mostly things related to my plant shop, www.therareplanthaus.com and the Etsy store https://www.etsy.com/shop/therareplanthaus
I’m still working on my businesses. I posted to sarathlete.com nearly every day this month. That’s progress! I’m working through aligning my businesses through writing and figuring out what I want to say and focus on. What I found was that I like writing and I want to get back to filming for YouTube. I feel stuck between my life coaching site, Sara Dalton Coaching, and my sarathlete.com blog. There’s a lot of crossover I see there so I’m thinking of how I can make them into one unified brand. The same thing is true with the plant business, The Rare Plant Haus. I’d like to figure out how I can make plants a part of my brand but not have to sell and ship plants. Plants helped reconnect me to the land of the living in 2020 and I want to make them part of my brand message because of this, but I don’t want to sell and ship them anymore. Anyone want to buy an online plant business?
Most of the items are works in progress, and I’m down with that.
Reviewing my goals shows me I have a lot of work to do in the all-or-nothing-thinking/striving department. Quite a few of my goals were “do X thing every day”. As a striver, I feel shame for not completing these items every day. That shows me I still have more work to do in recovery. I have a hard time admitting that things are a work in progress or that I avoided goals altogether because there is resistance there. In my eyes, I failed if only did goal X one time or even that I tried it and it didn’t happen. That’s a great lesson for me though. Still have more work to do.
I could be setting myself up for failure with big goals like do X everyday. Maybe just trying putting it out there and doing it one time that month, or once a week would be more feasible. Building progress slowly over time and not forcing myself to do something brand new every day with so many goals at one time.
Fitness goals have been going well. I’ve been run/walking but not so much outdoors. I’ve been training on the treadmill for now and then doing weights afterwards. I’m proud of myself for getting my runs in at all. It’s been awesome! I need to buy trail shoes. I’ve decided on Vivos to start with. I run in trainers with zero padding and this helps me stay on the balls of my feet (that and years of dancing training). I find with the extra padding in a traditional running shoe that I heel strike way too much. I’m doing a very beginner run/walk program for my 5k goal race, so I should be able to build foot strength over time between Vivos and the NoBull trainer’s I run in on the treadmill and also lift weights in as well.
Mindless scrolling is still around, but there’s less of it. I’ve found the busier I keep myself, the less time there is for scrolling mindlessly. The habit of scrolling is dissociation for me. The Facebook and costco.com mindless scrolling started this summer when I was going to ACA virtual meetings. I’d be waiting to share, and I’d be listening to fellow ACA’s share when it was their turn. I found that watching the Zoom screen was boring, so I’d open an internet browser tab and scroll through the Facebook feed for fun things to do in my town or just check out costco.com to see what was new. I don’t buy anything, but scrolling gave me something to do while I listened (the story of my life!). Currently, I’m not attending ACA meetings, but I found that the mindless scrolling habit stuck around. I want to eliminate it, but part of me enjoys having something mindless I can do to check out for a bit.
Lesson Learned to Apply to December Goals:
I’m going to keep things simpler and more focused in December. I set too many expectations for myself, and then I hated myself for falling short. Classic Striver. Grrrrr. (Learn more about what a striver is here in the interview with Dr. Arthur Brooks on Rich Roll’s podcast on YouTube:
RRP featuring Dr. Aruthur Books on his latest book From Strength to Strength.
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December goals will be posted tomorrow. Stay tuned!
sarathlete 